Monitor Duty Diaries
by icebreaker316
Summary: Ever wonder what goes on during those long shifts of monitor duty on the Watchtower?


Ever wonder what goes on during those long shifts of monitor duty on the Watchtower? Yeah, me too. So I decided to write this fic! Each chapter will feature a group of three Leaguers on monitor duty and what those Leaguers do to pass the time. These will all be completely plotless and for entertainment purposes only. Expect shameless interaction between characters as well as guest appearances from League members not on monitor duty. My suggestion to you: while you're reading, imagine the character speaking with his or her voice from the show. That's what helped me the most while writing these, and hopefully it will make it more enjoyable to read. The combinations of characters have been strategically chosen for the potential comedic chemistry they may elicit as a group.

As always, characters belong to DC.

And so begin the Monitor Duty Diaries.

**Huntress. B'wana Beast. Dr Fate.**

"Yo, if your name is Huntress, what in the heck do you hunt?"

Helena snorted. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

B'wana Beast scratched his head in confusion. "Is it a secret or somethin'?"

"Yes. Huge secret. And the Question is the only one who's figured it out, which is why I let him screw me."

The book that Dr. Fate had been reading suddenly tumbled to the floor.

"Whoa!" said B'wana Beast to the Huntress. "You've definitely got the bite of the barracuda in you!"

"Oh, you have _no_ idea," said Huntress.

Dr. Fate waved his hand and levitated the book that had haphazardly fallen onto the floor back into his hands. "I never would have predicted that you and the Question would…form a relationship," he said. "It just seems very…unlikely."

"Well, you know what they say, Doc. Opposites attract."

"I suppose they do."

"What'd'ya see in that guy, anyway?" asked Beast.

Huntress smirked. "You really want me to go into it?"

"Uhh…on second thought, forget I asked. But really, he doesn't have a flippin' face!"

"Says the guy who runs around in a loincloth," snickered Helena.

Beast looked down at his striped loincloth. "Point!"

"Thought so."

"How 'bout you, Doc? You're married, aren't ya?" said Beast.

"Yes, I am. I've been married to Inza for sixty two years."

"Sixty two, that's a long…SIXTY TWO? What the – how old are you!?"

"Eighty four."

"How the hell can you be eighty four?" asked Huntress. "You kick major butt like, all the time!"

"The properties of mysticism have many advantages. Prolonged youthful vitality being one of them."

"Is your wife that old too?" asked Huntress.

"She is eighty five."

"Dang, where can I get some of that magic stuff?" said Beast.

"You must be experienced in the art of sorcery to be endowed with such powers as maintaining one's youth."

Beast sulked in his chair. "Well, so much for that idea…unless…" He grinned at Dr. Fate. "…you can get me Zatanna's number."

"Yeah, like she's gonna share the gift of everlasting youth with you," scoffed Helena.

Beast glared at her. "Who said that's what I want from her?"

"Ok…so what do you want from her then? A hook up?"

"No! Just a date."

Huntress chuckled to herself. "She'd never go out with you."

"And why's that!? Because I don't have super strength or a fancy shmancy Batmobile?"

"No, it's just that she's like this famous sorceress and you talk to animals. You guys don't really have much in common."

Dr. Fate cleared his throat. "Was it not you who just said opposites attract?"

"Yeah!" squealed Beast. "If you're so happy with creepy faceless guy, then why don't I have a chance with Zatanna?"

Huntress glared at Dr. Fate, then looked back at B'wana Beast. "Ok, first of all, my boyfriend is _not_ creepy. And second of all…oh, what the hell."

She grabbed a slip of paper and scribbled down Zatanna's phone number. "Here ya go, Romeo," she said as she threw it into Beast's lap.

"Yesss!" he shrieked.

Huntress rolled her eyes. "You didn't get that from me, got it? And you," she said, pointing at Dr. Fate. "You saw nothing."

"I saw nothing," he agreed.

"Hang on a sec, I'm seein' somethin' here," said Beast, poking at the console in front of him. One of the monitors was showing a wave of nuclear activity in southwestern Russia. "Look's like we got a pressure buildup at the Balakovo Nuclear Power Plant."

Dr. Fate maneuvered his way into the plant's computer system. Another monitor showed the status of each of the reactors. "Reactor number three is bordering critical mass. Atomic number ninety-two…"

"That's uranium," said Huntress, pushing a large blue button on the console. "Huntress to Mr. Terrific."

Mr. Terrific's voice came over their speaker. "Go ahead, Huntress."

"We're showing a pressure buildup of uranium in reactor three at the Balakovo Nuclear Power Plant. We've got eight and a half minutes until that reactor reaches critical mass and goes into a power excursion."

"Here are the coordinates to the plant," said Beast, entering in the numbers to the Watchtower computer base.

"The population of that town is two hundred thousand, four hundred seventy," said Dr. Fate. "Fatality risk for those living within ten miles of the plant is dangerously high if a chain reaction occurs."

"Understood. Terrific out."

Suddenly, his voice came over the Watchtower intercom. "I need Shayera, Flash, Captain Atom, Dr. Light, Metamorpho, Mary Marvel and Atom Smasher to report to the transporters immediately."

Huntress leaned back in her chair and plopped her feet up on the console. "I love saving the world without doing crap," she sighed happily.

"Only three more hours of not doing crap," groaned B'wana Beast.

"You could read a book or engage in some other activity involving intellect to pass the time," suggested Dr. Fate, not looking up from his reading material.

"Yeah, sure, Doc. I'll read _Summoning Ancient Energies from the Realms of the Far East_ right after you."

Huntress snorted. "Dude, you have super high-speed access to pretty much all forms of the internet up here. You could watch porn if you wanted to."

That seemed to get both men's attention. Dr. Fate's book tumbled to the floor again and Beast gaped at her, mouth open wide.

"As much as I love your creativity Helena, I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

All three heroes on monitor duty turned around to find a faceless man in a blue overcoat walking toward them. He was carrying three drinks.

"Hi baby doll," said Huntress sweetly.

"Uhh, are those all for you?" asked Beast, pointing to the drinks.

"Do you really consider me that rude and inconsiderate, Mr. Maxwell?" said the Question, setting the drinks down.

"Holy toadstools, he knows my name!" he squeaked.

"I also know that you drink grapefruit banana raspberry smoothies with a dash of honey." The Question slid one of the drinks over to a dumbfounded B'wana Beast, then slid a second over to Dr. Fate. "And Dr. Fate drinks Masala chai."

"Uhh…how do you know all this? Do you go through our trash or something?"

"I go through everyone's trash, Mr. Maxwell. But I thought I'd be decent and bring all three of you drinks instead of just my girlfriend."

"You needn't wait on us, Question. But thank you, nonetheless," said Fate, tipping back his golden Helmet of Nabu just enough so that he could sip at his tea. "Mmm, delicious."

"Just be thankful I didn't add toxic chemicals designed to mind-sweep critical information from you like the conglomerate companies Starbucks and Jamba Juice."

"Ok, this is the best goddamn smoothie I think I've ever had," said Beast, slurping at his drink. "I take back every mean thing I ever said about you, Question."

"How comforting. Here's your iced mocha, love." The masked Vic Sage handed the last drink to Helena.

"Thanks babe, you're the best," she said. "Find anything on the mysterious disappearance of our tax dollars yet?"

"The missing 700 million dollars was used to fund a private getaway for the majority of Congress in a bribe attempt by the president to assure they do not block legislation on a new bill concerning civilian tax dollars."

"Heh. The irony always gets me."

"Indeed. But I should get back to work before Wonder Woman yells at me again for distracting you from your monitor duty duties."

"Pfft, she's just jealous because Bats won't admit he loves her."

"Whoa whoa whoa, Bats loves who!?" spluttered B'wana Beast.

Question, Huntress and Dr. Fate stared at him.

"What?" he asked defensively.

"You did not infer that he and the Princess had feelings for each other when she was turned into a pig by Circe?" asked Fate.

Beast scratched his chin in confusion. "Does he have a fetish for pigs or somethin'?"

Huntress smacked her palm to her forehead.

Question sighed and sadly shook his head. "No, Batman does not have a fetish for pigs. He does, however, have an intense longing of romantic companionship with the Princess that began when the League was only seven, and which has now culminated into his denial of such feelings because they betray the deep-seated emotional void so created by the traumatic event that brought forth the dark knight himself."

Beast put up his index finger as he considered that. "Translating…so Wondy is in love with Bats and Bats is in love with Wondy, but he's too much of a stubborn ass to go for it?"

"Precisely. He does not want to enter into such a relationship because of the imminent pain he believes will be felt by the Princess when he passes on," said Fate.

"'Cause she's like, immortal, and he's like, not," concluded Huntress, slurping her iced mocha.

"Huh, that explains why he was so cranky on the hunt for Wonder Pig. He was all 'keep the circle small' and stuff."

"Most likely because he didn't want to expose to a large group the amount of affection and thus concern he carried for said Wonder Pig," said Question.

"Y'know, it's kinda funny. Wondy could have any guy on the face of the Earth if she wanted to, but she has to pick Batman. Figures."

"Love works in mysterious ways, Mr. Maxwell." Question turned his non-face toward Huntress, who wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him down onto her lap. "_Very_ mysterious ways."

B'wana Beast was forced to avert his eyes as Huntress tugged on the Question's tie and began kissing his lack of a face.

"Am I the only one who thinks that's disgusting?" he whispered to Fate.

"It'd be much worse if he didn't have that mask on," replied the sorcerer without looking away from his book.

Beast shuddered. "Yeah, but still."

Huntress and Question finally disconnected from each other, only to begin whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears. After a few moments of quiet giggling, Question got up from Huntress's lap.

"I'll see you in…" the faceless man looked at his watch. "…T-minus two hours and fifty four minutes."

"Hope you're ready for me," she said provocatively.

"I always am," he replied.

After a swift kick in the butt from Huntress, he began to depart.

"Thank you for the drinks, Question," said Fate.

B'wana Beast was still recovering from the intimate moment he involuntarily witnessed between the lovers, but he managed to blurt out, "Oh yeah yeah thanks man!"

The faceless man waved over his shoulder before walking out of sight. Huntress spun back around in her chair and plopped her feet onto the console again, slurping down the last of her iced mocha.

Beast cleared his throat. "That was interesting."

"Go stick your head in the sand," shot Huntress.

"Y'know what lady, ostriches don't actually do that."

"He's quite correct," cut in Fate. "'Tis a myth that was started during the age of the Romans."

Huntress glared. "Great. I'm getting a lesson on ostriches from Dr. Dolittle and Harry Potter."

"Hey, don't be dissing on Dr. Dolittle. He's the man."

"And I'm more of an Albus Dumbledore than a Harry Potter."

**x.x.x**

I don't own Dr. Dolittle, Harry Potter, Jamba Juice or Starbucks either. Woe is me. I will love you forever if you review!


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